* WARNING* This blog post may highlight some vulnerable thoughts but I’m willing to share if you are willing to be a part of the conversation. I wish I could sit and write that I have always been uber confident in everything that I do and that I am. It would be so dreamy to tell you that I have always thought I could do the big things, accomplish every life goal, lose the weight and look like a certain body type, smile even better after wearing expensive braces and waking up looking like a highly paid supermodel every day. But truth is, I can’t. And, I’m now okay with that.
For years, I sought after perfection and when I came to the realization that it is more of an imaginary tale than what we should be striving for, I looked at things differently.
In school, I was always self conscious. Was I cool enough to hang with the popular girls? Would people think of me poorly, if they knew I wasn’t rich and had to utilize “layaway” (yea, I’m that old)? I wasn’t the smartest in high school and just hoped that I could learn enough to get me into college and make my mom proud of me. There were so many challenges that my small family faced at home but kept from the public. Daily struggles constantly ran through my mind and I tried not to let that take over my school performance, all while smiling.
Fast forward to many years later passing through college and grad school, I’ve faced similar insecurities. It was always like there was a fear preventing me from stepping out and being bold. I secretly wanted to go against the grain and be the first to speak up, create the next big thing, and to be the best at everything I did and then feel GREAT doing and being ME. Nope that isn’t my story. I still wondered if I was good enough to be considered for the master’s program, or the internship that would get me noticed by future employers. I still worried that I couldn’t achieve my big dreams like I saw others around me doing. So at what point does a person snap out of self-pity and self-doubt and begin to re-create a life that one loves?
REPOSITIONING MY THOUGHTS
Imposter syndrome is real. And, it plagues even the most successful people. When I started my event planning business, the fear constantly stood in front of me. But, I was tired of letting ME talk ME out of being ME. So I started to do things while scared. In my personal life, I pray. So when things get tough, I pray for strength. I journal my thoughts, insecurities, fears and struggles so that I can face them head on and not have them face me. And, I am a natural born planner and list maker and this helps me chop down the “mental tree” piece by piece. Walking through some of the challenges that I may face and developing a form of a plan helps me to own my steps and take ownership.
And, with social media being a driving force and instant access to the world, there is the comparison monster. It has touched our lives at some point and we have to be careful of how much of it we allow into our mental space. There will always be someone more eloquent in speech, more beautiful, stronger, smarter, more creative, better at making new connections, and even gaining a larger following. But they have their story, just like we have ours. Just like you have your own and I have my own. It is our own story that we have to become comfortable with and package it to share with those who will listen.
When I am creating stationery, a personalized gift, or executing an event, I still have to coach myself through the process and push through to completion. Am I still overly critical? Yes, sometimes but I catch myself and have to work through releasing the anxiety and any negative feelings that are attached to that crippling thought.
So back to the original question…Am I Even Good Enough? The answer is YES, I’m good enough to live in my truth, share my story and my talents. I am good enough to be in a creative space and know that I am talented and knowledgeable to market my services and add value to others. I am good enough to be as great as my heart’s desire.
That is my hope for you, friend. I want you to realize just how great you already are to accomplish a goal of yours. And, to feel good being in your space of truth and fierce-ness. You deserve to soar. You may have to coach yourself daily but do what you have to do to share your brilliance with the world.